On this day, during this hour, 37 years ago, I was born – on a Friday the 13th no less.
I subscribe to the (clichéd, I know) belief that “you’re as old as you think you are.” Also, I don’t feel (or look, thank you very much) old. Yet I’ve been dreading this day for the past few weeks.
Being dismayed over 40 or 50 seems common, but who dreads 37? Me! I also hated 26 and 34.
Why not 25, 30 or 35?
The span from birth to 25 equaled youth to me. At 26, I was on the other side (not old, mind you, but I don’t think you can claim youthfulness after 25).
I approached, was and passed 30 with little anxiety … I think 26 just did me in. I also loved my job at 29, but was laid off and living at home for 30 and 31. I must have instinctively known dwelling on those ages, while jobless and sponging off mommy and daddy, would have caused me to curl up in a ball and likely remain there to this day.
I found another great job and bought a house by 34, but had a bit of a semi-midlife crisis – piercing my nose. At the time, I thought I’d finally gotten the nerve to do something I’d wanted to do for most of my life … my second-grade friend Chowdry Pinnameneni’s mom and her beautiful diamond stud made a big impression on me at 7. Later, taking an honest lens to the since-removed nose ring, I believe I may have been out to prove I was still young enough to pull it off.
And why the dread over 37? Partly, it’s because I believe I can no longer say I’m in my mid-30s. Also, I’m two years past 35 and blazing toward 40. The age itself doesn’t bother me so much … it’s that I’ve never been married and don’t have kids. I know biologically there’s still time for kids (Cheryl Tiegs had twins at 52) or I could adopt, but I’m not sure being an older mom is the right decision for me. And in my mind, 37 treads dangerously close to old-maid territory.
Of course, for those age-related crises, there’s my other stand-by cliché … “it’ll happen when it’s meant to be.” And when it comes to birthdays – dreaded or otherwise … the cliché, “it’s better than the alternative,” can’t be argued with.
PS All age-related judgments are my beliefs about ME. Please don’t take offense or feel I’m commenting on anyone other than myself.