Am…musings

Today marks the one year anniversary of this blog. Unfortunately, the momentous occasion has stirred up a bit of writer’s block. Normally, when the block hits (as it has on several occasions over the year), I just refrain from blogging until inspiration strikes. Today, I feel the need to say a little something nevertheless.

I can mark the day with two new additions (albeit temporary) to Kit Drive … momma birdie’s babies have hatched. At this point, they are pretty small, a little shriveled and spend lots of time hiding under mom so pics aren’t very realistic … not to mention that she’s still letting me get super close to take a peek at the “kids” and I don’t want the camera to freak her out.

While the birds may not necessarily be worthy of the anniversary post, this certainly is …. the guy and I also met for the first time four months ago today. Given that this blog has witnessed several not-so-good dating stories in the past 365 days (here, here and here are a few examples), it seems fitting to mention how wonderful it is to be dating such an amazing man. Here’s a wish that I’ll be able to write great things about us 365 days from now.

All in all, it’s been a good year, and despite falling off the blogging wagon a few times, I have definitely enjoyed it much more than I ever expected at this endeavor’s launch.

Last night was my class reunion … my 20 year class reunion, but we aren’t going to dwell on that number.

Because he’s incredibly awesome, the guy agreed to go with me. I knew we’d have a good time because I’m pretty sure I’d enjoy just about anything if he were there. We did have fun, even with a few awkward moments like tackling the topic of how I introduce him … we landed on boyfriend, which I guess is appropriate after four months of dating. And despite our conversation, he was called “Amber’s husband” about a dozen times, which didn’t seem to faze him too badly.

It was only afterward that I was a little flummoxed … to tag or not to tag? That was the question. Most of my friends know I’m dating someone, but I’m not sure about his. Tagging the pics on Facebook sort of changes that.

I debated whether it was proper etiquette to ask him if he minded. In the end, I decided I was way over-thinking it, not to mention the fact that we looked good and I wanted to show off to my friends and his … so I just did it.

What do you think the right approach is when it comes to dating and tagging?

My coworkers have been jones-ing for dating posts. In the office, I’m the type that will share details when asked, but won’t just dish randomly. Typically, they get the scoop from the blog without having to ask, but lately … I haven’t been revealing much.

Much like my “only when asked” rule at the office, I have guidelines when it comes to blogging … basically I only write about my dating life when it’s in the dumper. For one, I think the stories are funnier. For two, it’s a great way to vent about bad dates (or ok dates with bad names). And most importantly, I believe the details of a new relationship are very personal … i.e. none of your business.

While the title above might give the appearance that this post is laden with scoop … it really isn’t. Sorry guys. Things are going well with the amazing guy I’ve been dating for a few months. But a friend, and reader, recently asked me for dating site advice. I’ve only used Match.com, and despite the fact that I met Mr. Amazing on Match, I can’t say that I was overjoyed with the overall experience.

Do you have any dating site advice to share … either from your own experience or maybe a friend’s?

The first time I cook for a date, I always feel a little pressure. The Forest Park picnic was no exception. I wanted to impress, but not go overboard. I also think it’s better to not get too fancy as I think most guys are meat-and-potato types.

I decided on steak sandwiches for the main course. I’m not a big steak eater and have never grilled one so I was a little nervous. I foolishly bought some crappy cut of meat, and at the advice of my friend Kelly put it in the freezer and ran to Costco for some really nice, tender ribeyes. I seasoned them with steak seasoning from my neighbors (one uses Canadian, the other uses Kansas City – the ingredients looked the same to me) and grilled them to medium rare. I then thinly sliced them and refrigerated them in an airtight container with an extra sprinkle of the seasoning and their juices. Right before we left for the park, I toasted some rolls, melted a mild white cheese on one half and spread mayo mixed with a little pressed garlic on the other half. When it was time to eat, I assembled the sandwiches with the steak, plus lettuce and tomato.

I also made pasta salad. It’s the second time I’ve used the tips from this Slate article and I’ve been very pleased with the results. This time, I used rotini, Reese’s jarred grilled artichoke hearts (they are awesome!), halved grape tomatoes, quartered pitted black olives, green onion, goat cheese, garlic salt, Penzey’s California Style Seasoned Pepper (awesome stuff!), olive oil and lemon juice.

For dessert, I served strawberries and double chocolate cookies from Trader Joe’s.

For an appetizer, I made a portabella mushroom dip somewhat from scratch. I want to try to capture the recipe so I’ll share a separate post on that soon.

I thought everything turned out well, and my date was very sweetly appreciative.

The Saint Louis Art Museum is open until 9 p.m. on Fridays. About 16 months ago I had a ho-hum Match.com first date there with a guy who just didn’t do it for me. Even so, the whole time I kept thinking, this is a really cool place for a date. I went again last night on a great fifth date with an awesome guy who definitely does it for me and it was still cool (or maybe even cooler). The only difference was the fist date was on a December evening and the museum was practically deserted, which was nice. Last night, it was packed, which wasn’t so romantic, but the amazing weather made it possible for a picnic in Forest Park. In the end, it was a little late and a bit too dark for the picnic so we dined on my back patio, but regardless, the museum is a great date spot. And when the weather isn’t nice, or for those who aren’t up for a picnic, there are plenty of good restaurants around the park, or the Boathouse in the park is fun too.

The minute I set foot into the dining room … I’m ready. It takes almost no thought for me to do it … no thought for me to … flip the bird, in addition to leveling my calculated dirty look.

Much like the dirty look, I’ve learned this one from my mom, who never hesitates to give me the finger … you know the finger I’m talking about. She means it in a fun, loving way … and I typically dish it right back at her in the same spirit … but that ‘s not my intent with this particular bird, which isn’t directed at my mom. This time, once again, it’s an unsuspecting, undeserving target … my computer.

As I explained in my earlier post, my poor computer, by the nature of online dating, has become the recipient of my disappointment and irritation with the men I’ve met on Match.com. However, this time … I’m guessing it’s not on my side. This time … I’m sure it saying, “Move the F on, sister. These boys aren’t worth it.”

I know it’s the truth, and I’m ready to do it.

It’s a ritual. A relationship ends badly or before it really began and I clean house … electronically, that is. All messages “to” and “from” get blown out of Match.com or Myspace. My Yahoo e-mail also gets cleansed. The occasional message that strayed into my work e-mail … I search and destroy those too. Then there’s Google Chat and Yahoo Messenger. Not only do I delete the chat archives, but I also erase the contact … I figure I can always re-add them if necessary, and this saves me from spying to see if they are online … and (who am I kidding?) from the Internet’s equivalent of drunk dialing – inebriated IMing.

In the past year, I’ve wiped the slate clean a few times and never looked back … until a few weeks ago. For some reason … at this point I seriously can’t remember why … I was in my Yahoo e-mail contacts, and was shocked to find five Yahoo Messenger contacts that I’d deleted.

F‘em, I thought, and deleted them for good. Except … the next day I got to thinking (never a good thing), was that a yellow smiley face next to one of them? Did that mean he was online? Didn’t he only start using Yahoo Messenger because of me? Does he maybe want to talk to me? Which I’m sure leads you to ask, “Why is Amber such a dumb girl?”

Well, it didn’t matter that I’d deleted his information … I hadn’t forgotten and added him right back in. Which I’m sure leads you to ask, “Why is Amber such a colossally dumb girl?”

I had drafted this post way back then, but hadn’t wanted to post it with its original ending … which was that I had been unable to delete him. However, after a few days of spying … and thankfully no inebriated IMing, I deleted him for good. Now that I haven’t peeked again in a few weeks, I know I’ve safely moved on for good and figured it was fine to post this without the danger of having to eat crow.

When I decided to take a break from Match.com at the end of October, the plan was to go back after the holidays. Despite the fact that two of my neighbors still have their Christmas lights up (and illuminated nightly, mind you), the holidays are long gone and until this morning I hadn’t even logged on to Match, much less rejoined.

While I’ve tried to have fun with my Match-capades (my favorite: the guy that referred to himself as scottie-rific and super-scottie-fragilisticexpialidocious – I kid you not!), it’s been disappointing. Probably no more frustrating that regular dating, but my “hopes up at hello” issue doesn’t help. Also, I’ve had a bad attitude about how things have ended with the few guys I have gotten more serious with. Last, but definitely not least, although it probably should have made me want to get back out there, I think my lonely Christmas funk made me pessimistic about romance and dating. All in all, I just couldn’t bring myself to jump in for more.

This week, I decided I needed to get over it. And a trip to Forest Park yesterday proved Match is still the best venue for me – tons of people and less than handful of single guys my age, with which I didn’t have luck trying to make eye contact or conversation. Trader Joe’s afterward was the same way … almost all couples.

Profiles always stay on Match, even if you aren’t paying, but they show how long you’ve been inactive, which keeps people away. Logging on today will get me back in the mix. Also, here’s a tip I found long ago: changes to your profile put you back at the top of the list of profiles e-mailed to potential dates, increasing your chance of being seen. If I get a good wink (received for free), or if these approaches don’t work in the next few weeks, I’ll rejoin. Keep your fingers crossed!

Ok, I’m writing a book review of a 4-year-old book, but I so wish someone would have forced me to read it two years ago. It would have saved me tons of time. It also would have rescued my friends from countless conversations as I tried to figure (various) him(s) out. Sorry to those of you reading!

So … I’m highly recommending “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo as a public service for single women (and the friends they lament to).

The book addresses the “dating limbo” of unsatisfying relationships that women can’t seem to let go of. It outlines various scenarios and excuses women make. Not surprisingly, each scenario comes to the same conclusion … “he’s just not that into you.”

In terms of my love life, I’ve dated Mr. “Too Busy” and Mr. “Only Wants to Have Sex,” but I recognized those guys for what they were without the wisdom of the book. However, Mr. “Mixed Signals,” Mr. “Unable to Commit” and Mr. “Otherwise Committed” (yes, he had a live-in girlfriend and no, I’m not at all proud of that one) tripped me up. I’m the girl who always wonders, “what if” (as in, “what if I don’t give this a chance and he’s the one”), but really this book is right … while “he’s not that into you” sounds harsh, it’s more about women deserving someone who worships us, not someone we have to wonder “what if” about.

Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule. My neighbor lent me this book (I can’t remember why. We may have been talking about the movie coming out soon, but I secretly think she was trying to help me clear my head of the cobwebs left by Mr. “Otherwise Committed.”). Her friends gave it to her back in 2004, when R. wouldn’t commit and she was having trouble moving on. They broke up, but apparently he really just was into her because now, they’re happily married.

As I’m prone to do, I’ve been reflecting on my online dating experiences, which I used to refer to as Match-capades, but now that I’ve added a Myspace guy in there, that kinda ruins that. Anyway … I’ve decided it’s much like junior high dating …

I lament over a note, taking hours to figure out the best wording to communicate what I’m thinking or feeling without scaring him away (back then, I thought boys would grown up someday, but honestly, I think the majority are still at the junior-high level when it comes to dealing with feelings). Then I pass the note to my friend … the Internet … and say will you please deliver this to him? And after he reads it and writes back, would you mind to bring his response to me?

Taking a step closer to the past, Match.com fits junior-high matchmaker to a “T” with their new Daily 5 feature. Here’s how it works: his friend … Match.com/the Internet … brings me a message. “My friend might like you,” the message says. “Are you interested? Check yes, no or maybe,” and I’ll let my friend know what you have to say.

Seriously, I feel like I’m in 7th grade all over again. The only thing missing is the crazy folding of the note … the more intricately you could fold a note in junior high, the cooler you were. I actually just found the “Amber” note fold on this site … and way back when it really was one of my favs!