Am…musings

I walk into the dining room … eyes narrowing, ready to throw accusations with a dagger-like glare. As a child of a mother who could silence any tantrum with “the look,” I believe I’m expert. I know my eyes alone can speak volumes, communicating the frustration I’m feeling toward him.

My eyes are icy, determined slits level in the direction of the dining room table, saying the words I can’t say out loud directly to … my computer, an innocent enabler … and apparently an unwitting victim … of online dating.

This isn’t the first time. On many occasions I’ve expressed disappointment and irritation with the men I’ve met on Match.com via dirty looks leveled at this electronic box. Do you think it’s getting a complex from all the vicious stares? I tend to think it’s on my side … and in this situation would make him give me what I want so we’re all happy (ha!) if it could.

I’ve decided to take a break from Match.com. It’s just been slow and frustrating in the last two months, and I remember the holidays were deadly quiet last year so I figure why not save the $20 a month.

I’m an over-thinking, “what if” kind of girl so reaching that conclusion took some deliberation. Just today I asked a friend, “What if Prince Charming comes along during my break?” Her retort, “I hate to be the one to tell you, but Prince Charming only exists in fairy tales.”

Life … and my recent experiences … confirm that. And while the image of that kiss makes my heart flutter, it really isn’t the perfect fairly tale romance I’m looking for anyway. Nevertheless, I am also an optimistic kind of girl with high expectations who wants (and think she deserves) a man who feels this way about her … shameless. So while I’m taking a break, (to quote Billy again) I’m “keeping the faith” that we’ll find each other soon.

Inspired by my first food post last weekend and the mention of Katie’s food blog, I decided to give a shameless plug to her mom and my friend, Pam’s cookbook – Culinary Confessions of the PTA Divas. Pam and Anne-Marie Hodges joined forces to create this cheeky, fun collection of easy, yet yummy and impressive dishes and excellent tips – and the photos of Pam and Anne-Marie in beehives and cool ’50s garb are fun too.

Pam and I worked together in publicity at Disney. She is an amazing and fantastic person. When we first met I was a 22-year-old intern and Pam fueled my belief that I could indeed have it all … a creative, high-profile career, amazing kids, fabulous house, great husband (or not – Pam raised the equally amazing and fantastic Katie as a single mom until she met her husband Steve).

My life hasn’t quite turned out the way I’d pictured it at 22, but perhaps the PTA Divas can help me wow my dates … the following recipe was a big hit with the last guy I cooked for. Another plus – it was super simple and quick to make. I served it with warm French bread, a tossed spinach salad and fresh berries with homemade whipped cream (a nice, saucy touch for a date).

SHOW-off SHRIMP and PENNE

1 pound peeled and deveined frozen shrimp
4 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
4 garlic cloves, minced (fine as long as you and your date are partaking!)
1 (14-ounce) can crushed or diced tomatoes
½ cup dry white wine
2 teaspoons dried basil
Course salt and cracked black pepper, to taste
1 bay leaf
½ cup kalamata olives, pitted
½ pound penne pasta (I used wheat)
½ to 1 cup crumbled feta cheese
4 tablespoons fresh chopped basil or flat-leaf parsley

Put salted water on to boil.

Thaw shrimp under running water for 2 to 3 minutes; drain and set aside.

In a large nonstick skillet, heat the oil, then sauté the garlic for one minute. Pour in the tomatoes and wine, seasoning with the dried basil, salt, pepper and bay leaf.

Bring this sauce to a simmer and cook, uncovered for about 10 minutes, stirring often. Add the olives and cook for 2 minutes; then add the shrimp and cook for about 4 to 5 minutes. Remove from heat. Remove bay leaf.

Cook the pasta until al dente, according to package directions, reserving ¼ cup of the pasta water before draining. Combine the pasta with the shrimp and sauce, adding a few teaspoons of the pasta water as necessary.

Toss mixture with the feta cheese and fresh herbs and serve immediately.

Serves 6.

I believe in the power of thought … positive thoughts bring positives into your life … negative thought — not so good. When I read that I should make a list of the qualities I wanted in an ideal mate … thus I would attract such a mate … a list I made.

I’d like to keep some things private, but here are a few of the highlights …
• Kind
• Smart
• Patient
• Respectful of my dreams
• A true partner

In line with my power-of-thought belief, I try to stay positive about my “Match-capades” and other online-dating adventures. I’ve met a few … ok several … doosies in the year I’ve been on Match.com, but I try to think of them in terms of funny stories to tell friends … and maybe someday … the grandkids. I also look at them as opportunities to learn and refine the list.

Unfortunately, in the past seven days, I’ve uncovered three additions … one good, one funny and one that I thought would have been a given.

1. The good … confident. This is something, as an outsider, you just can’t fix. A person has to find confidence on their own and while I feel badly about pulling the plug, I’d rather not be part of the process.
2. The funny … not named Herb. (Here’s the post-date update …. He called and left a message. I called back and left a message. He called back … no message. And I’m thinking that’s the best I can do because I know in the end … as foolish as it is … I can’t get past it.)
3. The one I thought would have been a given … single/available. He lives out of town (thus really no big expectations) and came clean after about two weeks of e-mailing, but sadly after all … a girl gets her hopes up at hello.

In my book, looks aren’t everything, but there’s no denying attraction is required for a relationship to be more than friendship.

I’ve sung the praises of Match.com … not because I’ve found true love … yet, but because it has helped me get past the obstacle of figuring out where to meet men.

However, Match is a unique beast when it comes to attraction. Instead of meeting someone in the flesh, you meet them in cyberspace, where attraction, rather than being revealed instantly, is slowly unraveled. It starts with his profile (and picture). Then it’s e-mails/IMs. A phone call usually, but not always, follows. The final step is meeting in person. Face to face, I’ve found, is the only way to really know for certain if the attraction is there.

My problem … as I told my friend Cory about eight months ago when he told me not to get my hopes up over a guy that was jacking me around … girls get their hopes up at hello. (At least I think it’s all girls, but maybe it’s me. Ladies?)

Unfortunately, with some guys it can take weeks (with one it took a month!) to transition from e-mailing/IMing to meeting in person. By then, I’m always a little invested. And when it doesn’t work, I’m a lot deflated … even if it’s me that doesn’t feel the attraction (as it was today).

Because my neighbor Marsha and our friend Kelly did a supreme job of making me feel guilty …. because I’m an optimist … and mostly because I believe God plays jokes on us occasionally, I met Match-Herb for drinks tonight.

I was hoping for an ogre. He isn’t. He’s also a very, very nice guy. And nice absolutely makes a difference in my book.

Of course, I did have a good giggle on the phone with Marsha on the way to Harpos where Herb and I met. Also, hysterical laughing ensued during my drive home as I thought about H-E-R-B. And … I grinned all the way to the bathroom after the cute guy at the table next to us asked me (while Match-Herb was in the bathroom) if we were on a first date and for some reason I felt the need to share my name dilemma. (And here I’ll interject with another Damn It … where the heck are the cute boys asking me questions when I’m not on a date??? And couldn’t Match-Herb have taken a little longer to get back from the bathroom so the cute boy and I could have talked longer? Seriously?!?)

Despite the laughter (and the cute boy), I kind of like you-know-who. But, obviously, I’m still a little hung up on the name. Now what?

*Keith (and Jadea who noticed Keith’s funny comment), the rogue “n” the title is just for you!

Match.com is a fairly anonymous place. Some people include their first or last name in their screen name, but it’s not common.

I recently received a wink from hrad—. His profile was interesting so I sent him an e-mail. Turns out … much to my dismay … the “h” stands for Herb.

Before you go accusing me of having something against the Herbs of the world, let me say … my dad’s name is Herb.

My dad is a lovely man and a great dad, but … Herb? It’s not like Bob or Mike … I don’t really know any other Herb’s and I’m not sure I’m ready to date one.

After several days of waffling I got over it enough to return Match-Herb’s e-mail. He replied with his phone number (typical for guys who don’t like to type). It took a few more days and LOTS of friendly goading from my neighbor to call him.

He seems nice and we had a fairly good conversation, but honestly, I can’t stop laughing every time I think about H-E-R-B. Sending him e-mails … dialing his number … writing this post. I start to giggle and eventually I’m hysterically laughing … the kind of laughing that make you feel a little silly if you’re doing it all by yourself.

Of course, if I could limit the laughing to when I’m alone, it might be ok, but I’m thinking the giggles may become uncontrollable if Match-Herb and I go on a date. And I’m pretty sure I AM NOT going to be able to kiss him.

Yeah, I think this one might be doomed from the start.

I’ve imagined this post for some time (even before this blog officially launched), but … I wasn’t sure about leaping right out there with the other five-letter word that came to my mind first (the word instead of WORD … for those of you that are a little naive, it starts with a B, then comes a vowel, then a double L, before the S ending).

It was Mistie that lead me to the better WORD (it was inadvertent … she was talking about her 2-year-old, mind you; and I imagine her Dixie Heart will cringe at that other WORD I’m talking about ).

Any-hoo … I completely understand not every date works. It’s either there or isn’t … that pesky chemistry. But I do not understand the men who give every appearance of it being a great date (who walks you to your car and gives you an awesome hug???) and then are basically never to be heard from again. Unfortunately, this has played out in a variety of ways with several different guys, but the end result has been me having to deduce they aren’t interested without them being man enough to tell me themselves.

So here is my unsolicited dating advice for the men/boys who don’t know how to use your words …

“I’m sorry, I’ve had a nice time, but I don’t think we’re very compatible.”

It’s not easy, but it’s the nice thing to do, you, (to use another five-letter word) spine-less wonders .

I’m on Match.com. I fought it for years. My friends nagged. My neighbors (who are also good friends) pushed. My parents even got in on the act. I didn’t like resorting to the impersonal internet to meet someone. After more than six pretty-much-date-free years in St. Louis I gave in.

As with all things in life, it’s had its ups and downs, but one thing about it gets to the very essence of why I avoided it … instant messaging.  About 70 percent of the guys I’ve talked to want to IM.  With some, it’s fine.  With most … it’s so very annoying.

I blame the impersonal nature of it. It somehow makes some men forget their manners.

I believe IMing is a conversation. I’m engaged, interested … all ears (or maybe eyes in this case). If my phone rings, I ignore it, ask if I can return the call later or at least let the person I’m IMing with know I need to take the call. (Occasionally, I’ll multitask, but God knows men can’t do that). 

In the time I’ve written these 241 words (and pulled the dogs apart many times), I’ve been waiting for an IM response from a guy I’ve been on a few dates with. He admits that he’s doing other things … it still irks me.

I guess I need to remember my manners when I type him a nice IM sharing my frustration.