Am…musings

Birthday Cupcake by fraley_tera on Flickr

It’d be pretty easy for me to wallow (like I did two years ago). I’m inches away from 40 … today marks my last birthday in my 30s. And I’m not what I expected to be … a do-it-all working mom with an awesome husband and two or three kids. But I have a few strong beliefs about the situation:

• Wallowing never did anyone any good (even if we all still fall into it every once and while).
• Gratitude is a beautiful and powerful thing.
• And like I said last year … if I could do these 39 years over again, I’d have to think long and hard about changing much … if it meant giving up any of the amazing experiences I’ve had and wonderful people I’ve met along the way.

So here’s what I’m grateful for this year …

• Giving and getting love – S. is still making me smile, laugh and feel loved every day. And there’s nothing like the feeling of someone freely accepting and being grateful for my love.
• Amazing family and friends – I’d never make it without the love and support of and for my parents, other family members and my friends, including my wonderful neighbors.
• Facebook – It might be odd to include on a birthday gratitude list, but this year Facebook brought me S. Plus I’m truly thankful to be able to stay in touch with people that likely wouldn’t be in my life without it.
• A job that’s more than paying the bills – Of course I have my moments, but overall I love what I do, where I do it and the teammates and clients that make it fun and rewarding.
• My health – This year did include two fibroid surgeries, but overall, I’m healthy, which I don’t take for granted.
• My house, my car and my stuff – It isn’t everything (which is why it’s last on the list), but I appreciate having the means to live comfortably.

Just like last year … when I blow the candles out today, I’ll wish for many more days of gratitude.

Money, religion and children … they’re hot topics relationship experts say a couple needs to discuss and come to terms with to be successful. Among many couples I know, there’s another subject that can create relationship waves … weight. This revelation has occurred to me because … well … I’ve instigated a joint diet with S.

As I mentioned in the fried chicken post, S. has been traveling a lot and sort of fell away from the healthy eating habits he started before I met him. Because I’m weak, I fell with him … and truth be told, haven’t been eating very healthy for a while.

I’m tired of feeling slothy and sluggish and asked S. if he wanted to work together at it when he’s finished traveling last weekend. Now I’m thinking this might test our relationship a bit and I’m wondering how we’ll weather it.

There are a few things in our favor:

• We love and accept each other the way we are. I think the weight-challenged relationships are those where one person is pushing the other to lose weight because they aren’t happy with the person’s appearance.
• We’re doing this for ourselves because we want to be healthy and feel better … again, not because one is pushing the other to look better.
• S. is a coach and instructor and knows how to motivate and push the right way.
• We’re both pretty roll-with-the-flow. Even though weight is a sensitive topic, I think our flexible natures will help us overcome issues.

We hit our first minor road bumps Friday night:

• Because he’s a little goofy (one of the reasons I love him), S. has been calling his diet “operation shredded beef.” It makes me laugh, but doesn’t work for me when we’re talking about my diet. He quickly came up with “operation slim fast” for me. I love it.
• His diet approach in the past has included eliminating alcohol, which doesn’t sound like fun to me. We’re compromising with low-sugar, lower-calorie cocktails only on the weekends.

We started today. I’ll keep you posted.

I recently reconnected with two former colleagues at an event. The conversation quickly turned to S. and my love life because one of them had seen my posts about him on Facebook. The other said … I bet you aren’t blogging about it because you like to keep your relationships private. I nodded because I hadn’t been blogging, but smiled to myself because I knew her reasoning wasn’t entirely true.

Yes … a little more than a year ago I took a short break from blogging because I was in a new relationship. True … I wasn’t very nice when I explained my absence in a post titled, It’s None of Your Business. At the time, I blamed it on the fact that the relationship was blossoming and I wanted to hold it close. In hindsight, I have to admit I was mum (not only on the blog, but also on Facebook) because I wasn’t sure about how he really felt about me.

With S. it’s different. There is no wondering … he tells me and shows me every day.

And being with him has been a revelation. Last year wasn’t the first time I’d found myself in a relationship where I wondered how the guy felt about me. I always knew something wasn’t right and often blamed it on complicated situations or emotions, and thought … maybe he’ll change. The truth is … it always ended with my gut being right … I was wondering and uncertain because they weren’t certain about me. For those of you wondering if someone cares about you … my advice would be to assume they don’t or can’t … and won’t. And know that you deserve someone who does.

I’m extremely grateful to have found someone who does and that I feel the same about. Now … just to find more time in the day to spend with him, work, take care of my house and … avoid more blogging breaks.