Am…musings

Being single and nearly 39, I try to have faith in things happening when they are meant to. But lately … especially when the funk hits, I wonder … should I have settled? The Late Bloomer Bride, Suzanne, posted a gorgeous quote on her blog and Facebook today. It articulates the kind of relationship I want, and … would be hard pressed to get by settling.

A portion of your soul has been entwined with mine. A gentle kind of togetherness, while separate we stand. As two trees deeply rooted in separate plots of ground, while their topmost branches come together, forming a miracle of lace against the heavens. ~Janet Miles

Also, this quote makes me smile because it reminds me that my standards … the ones that have kept me from settling … aren’t at all about looks, a job or money. It’s really personality and chemistry that do it for me … and I’m pretty sure only the right personalities and chemistry could create the kind of love and partnership described above.

Now, I just need to find the guy … with the right personality and chemistry, of course … that will allow our “souls to entwine.” Sigh.

I used to like bacon as a kid (along with all sorts of other terrible artery-clogging things like Velveeta and fatty steak). Then, my dad had a heart attack at 38 and things like bacon were off the daily Morris menu. I’ve been on my own for a while, but bacon was one of those things on my “not worth the calories and fat” list (the two big exceptions to this rule are the BLT at Crown Candy Kitchen in North St. Louis and my neighbor Marsha’s bagel breakfast sandwich – both are amazing!).

Crown Candy BLT By IronStef @Flickr

I think I’m in the minority on this bacon thing. Several people I follow on Twitter regularly mention bacon, which always amazes me. I also have a few friends that are official Facebook fans of bacon. In fact, there are more than 250,000 fans of bacon on Facebook and nearly 300,000 fans of bacon butty (a bacon sandwich in the UK).

Because I thought I might have an overnight guest last weekend, I bought some bacon, which seemed like a required part of a good manly breakfast (I’m all concerned about serving this particular guy too many girly dishes for some reason). He ended up not feeling well so the package of bacon was still in my fridge when I was scrounging for something for dinner recently.

I chose a (decidedly girly) asparagus omelet and bacon. As a test run for an eventual overnight stay , I even cooked it on the stove instead of the somewhat healthier method of in the microwave (too girly). It smelled wonderful and I was totally jazzed. Then I took a bite. It was ok, but I decided I’ve been right … not necessarily worth the calories and fat. I also think I really do like it better in the microwave. Of course, I’ll have to sacrifice myself for breakfast for the guy.

I’ve decided to take a break from Match.com. It’s just been slow and frustrating in the last two months, and I remember the holidays were deadly quiet last year so I figure why not save the $20 a month.

I’m an over-thinking, “what if” kind of girl so reaching that conclusion took some deliberation. Just today I asked a friend, “What if Prince Charming comes along during my break?” Her retort, “I hate to be the one to tell you, but Prince Charming only exists in fairy tales.”

Life … and my recent experiences … confirm that. And while the image of that kiss makes my heart flutter, it really isn’t the perfect fairly tale romance I’m looking for anyway. Nevertheless, I am also an optimistic kind of girl with high expectations who wants (and think she deserves) a man who feels this way about her … shameless. So while I’m taking a break, (to quote Billy again) I’m “keeping the faith” that we’ll find each other soon.

I believe in the power of thought … positive thoughts bring positives into your life … negative thought — not so good. When I read that I should make a list of the qualities I wanted in an ideal mate … thus I would attract such a mate … a list I made.

I’d like to keep some things private, but here are a few of the highlights …
• Kind
• Smart
• Patient
• Respectful of my dreams
• A true partner

In line with my power-of-thought belief, I try to stay positive about my “Match-capades” and other online-dating adventures. I’ve met a few … ok several … doosies in the year I’ve been on Match.com, but I try to think of them in terms of funny stories to tell friends … and maybe someday … the grandkids. I also look at them as opportunities to learn and refine the list.

Unfortunately, in the past seven days, I’ve uncovered three additions … one good, one funny and one that I thought would have been a given.

1. The good … confident. This is something, as an outsider, you just can’t fix. A person has to find confidence on their own and while I feel badly about pulling the plug, I’d rather not be part of the process.
2. The funny … not named Herb. (Here’s the post-date update …. He called and left a message. I called back and left a message. He called back … no message. And I’m thinking that’s the best I can do because I know in the end … as foolish as it is … I can’t get past it.)
3. The one I thought would have been a given … single/available. He lives out of town (thus really no big expectations) and came clean after about two weeks of e-mailing, but sadly after all … a girl gets her hopes up at hello.

In my book, looks aren’t everything, but there’s no denying attraction is required for a relationship to be more than friendship.

I’ve sung the praises of Match.com … not because I’ve found true love … yet, but because it has helped me get past the obstacle of figuring out where to meet men.

However, Match is a unique beast when it comes to attraction. Instead of meeting someone in the flesh, you meet them in cyberspace, where attraction, rather than being revealed instantly, is slowly unraveled. It starts with his profile (and picture). Then it’s e-mails/IMs. A phone call usually, but not always, follows. The final step is meeting in person. Face to face, I’ve found, is the only way to really know for certain if the attraction is there.

My problem … as I told my friend Cory about eight months ago when he told me not to get my hopes up over a guy that was jacking me around … girls get their hopes up at hello. (At least I think it’s all girls, but maybe it’s me. Ladies?)

Unfortunately, with some guys it can take weeks (with one it took a month!) to transition from e-mailing/IMing to meeting in person. By then, I’m always a little invested. And when it doesn’t work, I’m a lot deflated … even if it’s me that doesn’t feel the attraction (as it was today).

Because my neighbor Marsha and our friend Kelly did a supreme job of making me feel guilty …. because I’m an optimist … and mostly because I believe God plays jokes on us occasionally, I met Match-Herb for drinks tonight.

I was hoping for an ogre. He isn’t. He’s also a very, very nice guy. And nice absolutely makes a difference in my book.

Of course, I did have a good giggle on the phone with Marsha on the way to Harpos where Herb and I met. Also, hysterical laughing ensued during my drive home as I thought about H-E-R-B. And … I grinned all the way to the bathroom after the cute guy at the table next to us asked me (while Match-Herb was in the bathroom) if we were on a first date and for some reason I felt the need to share my name dilemma. (And here I’ll interject with another Damn It … where the heck are the cute boys asking me questions when I’m not on a date??? And couldn’t Match-Herb have taken a little longer to get back from the bathroom so the cute boy and I could have talked longer? Seriously?!?)

Despite the laughter (and the cute boy), I kind of like you-know-who. But, obviously, I’m still a little hung up on the name. Now what?

*Keith (and Jadea who noticed Keith’s funny comment), the rogue “n” the title is just for you!

Sure … there are the obvious reasons why I’d like a man in my life … opening jars, reaching things on high shelves, cleaning gutters*, among other things I won’t mention here because one of my co-workers cringed when I just mentioned kissing in the Match-Herb post.

Sopping up my basement last weekend in the wake of Ike’s remnants – and in the process, assembling a wet/dry vac all by myself – got me thinking along these lines. It also reminded me of the thing that makes me feel most alone in my aloneness … folding sheets.

In my family of three, two of us always folded sheets together. While I’m pretty independent and, as I’ve mentioned before, subscribe to the belief that it will happen when it’s meant to, not having someone here to help me fold sheets makes me … just plain lonely.

*P.S. Thanks to Dad-Herb for cleaning my gutters before the deluge.

Match.com is a fairly anonymous place. Some people include their first or last name in their screen name, but it’s not common.

I recently received a wink from hrad—. His profile was interesting so I sent him an e-mail. Turns out … much to my dismay … the “h” stands for Herb.

Before you go accusing me of having something against the Herbs of the world, let me say … my dad’s name is Herb.

My dad is a lovely man and a great dad, but … Herb? It’s not like Bob or Mike … I don’t really know any other Herb’s and I’m not sure I’m ready to date one.

After several days of waffling I got over it enough to return Match-Herb’s e-mail. He replied with his phone number (typical for guys who don’t like to type). It took a few more days and LOTS of friendly goading from my neighbor to call him.

He seems nice and we had a fairly good conversation, but honestly, I can’t stop laughing every time I think about H-E-R-B. Sending him e-mails … dialing his number … writing this post. I start to giggle and eventually I’m hysterically laughing … the kind of laughing that make you feel a little silly if you’re doing it all by yourself.

Of course, if I could limit the laughing to when I’m alone, it might be ok, but I’m thinking the giggles may become uncontrollable if Match-Herb and I go on a date. And I’m pretty sure I AM NOT going to be able to kiss him.

Yeah, I think this one might be doomed from the start.

So much for maybe not blogging on vacation – I didn’t even make it two hours before I started drafting this in my head. But I was inspired … and I’m stuck on an airplane. 

And just so you know, I don’t think this will be the last post because I was reminded when I saw/heard him in my Minneapolis layover waiting area that I’m definitely inspired by cute, mild-mannered Canadian men and their adorable accents. He’s a tall, Kennedy-esque hottie from Edmonton who … is seated in my row because there is a God!

But I digress.  I’ll start with the kudos.  I’ve never been impressed by the main terminal at Lambert airport.  But my check-in was simple and security was breeze this go round – the agents were even pleasant.  Then came Diane at the Terminal A CPK.  She was fun and efficient – a good combo for starving flyers waiting in long lines for food. I really wanted a banana and they were out.  Diane was frazzled by all the people crowding her register and she could have easily said “I don’t know” or “no” when I asked if they had more.  Well, actually she did say both of those things … but lo and behold then she quickly said, “wait a minute … I’ll go check.”  And she promptly came back with a dozen of them. She went above and beyond, which I’d say is unusual for airport restaurant workers, and I truly appreciate it.

Now for the rant … dear Northwest Airline and all other airlines besides Southwest (American Airlines, US Airways, United Airlines – I’m talking to you): Efficient, assigned seating was the one thing you had going for you — I hate the cattle call, although it’s much better now.  Now that you are ridiculously charging $15 for the first checked bag, pretty much everyone is trying to shove too many bags in the overhead bins, creating a BFCF of the boarding process (BF stands for big fat – and if you don’t know what CF is, e-mail me and I’ll fill you in). 

Also, my flight to Canada (not overseas mind you) cost $550 – freaking robbery if you ask me – and it completely pisses me off to be forced pay a fee to check my suitcase – seriously!!!  Maybe you could waive the fee for flights over $350 or something.

Plus Southwest’s magazine is better than yours, their flight attendants are more entertaining, they don’t charge $3 or $5 for a snack and their planes are clean and shiny, which I realize is cosmetic, but it makes me feel safer.  Southwest was not an option for this trip, but you’d better believe when they are, I won’t choose you.

Of course, now that I think about it, Southwest probably has fewer Canadian flying their friendly skies, but next time I’ll have to travel during the day (it’s so dark, I can hardly see the cutie asleep across the aisle) so I get my money’s worth!